When I woke up today, something had changed. My heart felt…lighter. And I remembered my conversation the night before. Many times I had given God my heart and many times I had told Him I loved Him. And I did love Him. I still love Him. But last night’s conversation had made me ready for a few changes.
Best Friends. I was reading a book where the girl referred to God as her best friend. Best friends are special, unique and you tell them everything. I don’t tell God everything. I tell Him when I’m tired, hurting, lonely…I tell Him when I need Him. But that isn’t everything. Everything is when you’re happy, too, and what you like and…those things, small things and big things and stories. And I had never told God any of those before. He already knew them all, He’d made me.
I was scared. I’ve been scared for years. I’ve told many people about my fear of illness. Most the time, they laugh at me or they make me feel like it is a sin to be scared of it. But I had a vicious circle I could not get out of. I was scared of being ill, so I prayed to be better but not for the fear to leave. I wanted that fear because if I wasn’t scared, I wouldn’t pray to be okay, and I would get ill and I was scared of being ill. I still am. When they laughed or gave me the look that said, “Grow up,” I wanted to hide. I wasn’t kidding. I am so scared of illness I get paralyzed with fear.
When I pray, I get so overwhelmed sometimes. There are a million and two people who need prayer and I just couldn’t get them all. When I went to town, I’d see the cars passing by and would start praying for the people inside, the people in the park, the kids and mom at the store, the people in the store, the people driving by the store, the people in the city… And it got so over whelming. I couldn’t pray for them all, I couldn’t help them all.
Last night, I was done. I was sick and tired of being scared and feeling like I couldn’t please God. I was sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed when I prayed.
I couldn’t pray in my head because when I do, my thoughts always try to wonder and it makes me even more overwhelmed. So, I lay on my back on my bed, the room pitch black except the sticky, glowing stars on our ceiling, and I prayed. I told Him everything. I didn’t pray to stay well, I didn’t pray for anyone else, all I did was talk to God. “All I want, Lord, is a friendship. I want to be able to tell you my favorite color and stories and if I like turnips or carrots.” I told Him about the verses I’d found in the last week that I loved because it felt like He was really talking to me. “For I am the Lord that healeth thee,” (Exodus 15:26b.) and “Be still, and know that I am God,” (Psalms 46:10a.) When I read those verses, it was personal. And that was what I wanted, so I told God.
And when I was done, He told me something too. “You can trust Me with your health just as you trusted Me with your heart. Those people in town, I already love them and you can trust Me to save them without having to tell Me to get My attention. I already see them, I see everything. You don’t need to nag me every time you pray to make sure I remember your friends that are hurting. You don’t nag your friends to pray for each other, do you? You can trust Me to remember. Trust Me, I have a good memory. I’m God, remember? And you can always tell Me about your days, the good and bad things. I love to hear about them from you. I love you, remember? I’ve always wanted to be friends, it was you who didn’t seek it. And as for My Book, when you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay. Tell Me about it and I’ll help you out. Promise.”
I found something I didn’t have before. I found more than just God and His immense love that before had left me so awed I got overwhelmed with it all. I found a friend. I’m still scared of being ill, but no longer paralyzed with it. He is worth my trust, He more than just loves me, He likes me. And for the first time in awhile, I have peace. I hadn’t even known I was missing something until finally, I did. He likes me. It is a wonderful feeling to know I can just quietly trust and He can be God. I don’t need to help Him and that is a big relief. He has been God forever, you know. He doesn’t need my help to get it right.
My love for Him hasn’t changed, my awe for Him is still there, but now I can just let Him be God. “Be still, and know that I am God.” Some of the most precious words I have ever heard. I finally learned that I need not be chaotic but can simply rest in Him.
Mandy
Our Fireworks
I took this picture at a fireworks display a few years ago.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
When Raising Goats, Don't...
I may not know anything about horses, even though I live in a town packed full of them (there are more horses than people sometimes!) I may not know anything about cows. You can’t ask me about donkeys and expect me to know anything but how to draw them. But if there is one thing I know about, it is goats.
The first time we got goats we only got two - a momma and a baby (though they weren’t related). The momma hated us, the baby was the most skittish thing you ever did see! To bottle feed this thing you had to run around the pen for twenty minutes to catch it! The whole time it was screaming bloody murder! “MAAAAAAA!!!! MAAAAAAA!” ‘Ma’ is what baby goats say, unless you get an odd ball, and then it might just say anything. But this baby goat was mine, my first pet. I loved it dearly and it was going to love me, if it was the last thing it did! I named it Snowflake because it was white-ish (at first, anyway.)
The momma goat we had gotten because it had milk. Well, if that is what you’d call half a cup a day. We spent more time chasing her and trying to get the milk out of her than you can shake a stick at! (I wonder why they say ‘shake a stick at’?)
Eventually, we got rid of the momma because she hated us so much. We got a different goat to take her place. We got (or did we make it?) a stanchion. The second goat did better than the first but I’m tell you, unless you’ve got the best milk goat in the world you will not get enough milk out of it to keep you supplied.
We eventually got more and more goats and started breeding out own. Snowflake, who finally liked me, we found was our best mother ever. She always had two (as far as I remember). I’m going to tell you right now, if anyone has EVER told you goats aren’t cute, you’ve been lied to! As soon as they get cleaned off they have the softest fur and the cutest little cries. They’ll sit in your lap (if you are very careful not to scare them) and sleep. Their moms, if they like you, might even try to clean you, too (I know this because one year Snowflake seemed sure I was one of her babies.)
But goats aren’t all cute little balls of fluff. One, you’ve got to clean up after them. Two, good luck keeping them in! Goats are smart and stupid all at the same time. You might say that they are smart at being stupid. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence and if they have a mind for it, they WILL get out! Over, under, through, around! They can even figure out how to open gates if they are simple enough. (Snowflake figured it out for one of our gates and that was a pain.)
We learned this the hard way. We spent an entire summer putting that fence up, six feet tall, all the way around the property! We let the goats out in it; they took one look and disappeared under the bottom! Bye, bye goats. There is no way to keep them in unless you put up electric fence. You can stake the fence to the ground, it won’t work, trust me. If you like you can tie drier sheets on the fence but they aren’t like deer so that won’t work either. You can try to be Heidi and herd them but they’ll get away from you, we tried that tactic too. Eventually, we said, “Enough is enough,” and up went the electric fence. My dad turned it on and we released the goats. You won’t believe how it happened. All the goats were lined up to go under the fence, just like always, so they were all touching, and when the first went to go under, she was shocked and the one behind her was shocked, and the whole line got shocked! My dad was grinning ear to ear, happy as a bear with honey.
We eventually got to be really good with goats. We learned that they prefer to have babies in the middle of the night during snowfall. And guess what else? Goats won’t eat anything! After watching all that TV, you’d figure they would, but trust me, they don’t. They are picky when it comes to their food. Sure, a baby might eat you clothing or your hair (I’m going to save the hair story for a different time, but you will enjoy it) but they won’t eat cans or even naw on buckets like dogs do!
We learned that you should never, ever as long as you live chase a goat and expect to get anywhere (unless you have fainting goats, yes there is such a thing!) If you want to catch a goat, you’ll need to walk up very slowly and talk to it. I know it may sound silly but it is the only thing that’ll work. If the goat don’t know you, when you get a couple feet away, kneeling and holding out your hand helps. No, it will not come to you to lick your hand. It probably won’t even look at you. Goats don’t act like dog in most cases (but we did have two that did, but I’ll tell you about that a different time). But if you do this you can usually carefully move over to it and pet it (or hook on its rope, which is usually the case).
I hope you all enjoyed!
Mandy
The first time we got goats we only got two - a momma and a baby (though they weren’t related). The momma hated us, the baby was the most skittish thing you ever did see! To bottle feed this thing you had to run around the pen for twenty minutes to catch it! The whole time it was screaming bloody murder! “MAAAAAAA!!!! MAAAAAAA!” ‘Ma’ is what baby goats say, unless you get an odd ball, and then it might just say anything. But this baby goat was mine, my first pet. I loved it dearly and it was going to love me, if it was the last thing it did! I named it Snowflake because it was white-ish (at first, anyway.)
The momma goat we had gotten because it had milk. Well, if that is what you’d call half a cup a day. We spent more time chasing her and trying to get the milk out of her than you can shake a stick at! (I wonder why they say ‘shake a stick at’?)
Eventually, we got rid of the momma because she hated us so much. We got a different goat to take her place. We got (or did we make it?) a stanchion. The second goat did better than the first but I’m tell you, unless you’ve got the best milk goat in the world you will not get enough milk out of it to keep you supplied.
We eventually got more and more goats and started breeding out own. Snowflake, who finally liked me, we found was our best mother ever. She always had two (as far as I remember). I’m going to tell you right now, if anyone has EVER told you goats aren’t cute, you’ve been lied to! As soon as they get cleaned off they have the softest fur and the cutest little cries. They’ll sit in your lap (if you are very careful not to scare them) and sleep. Their moms, if they like you, might even try to clean you, too (I know this because one year Snowflake seemed sure I was one of her babies.)
But goats aren’t all cute little balls of fluff. One, you’ve got to clean up after them. Two, good luck keeping them in! Goats are smart and stupid all at the same time. You might say that they are smart at being stupid. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence and if they have a mind for it, they WILL get out! Over, under, through, around! They can even figure out how to open gates if they are simple enough. (Snowflake figured it out for one of our gates and that was a pain.)
We learned this the hard way. We spent an entire summer putting that fence up, six feet tall, all the way around the property! We let the goats out in it; they took one look and disappeared under the bottom! Bye, bye goats. There is no way to keep them in unless you put up electric fence. You can stake the fence to the ground, it won’t work, trust me. If you like you can tie drier sheets on the fence but they aren’t like deer so that won’t work either. You can try to be Heidi and herd them but they’ll get away from you, we tried that tactic too. Eventually, we said, “Enough is enough,” and up went the electric fence. My dad turned it on and we released the goats. You won’t believe how it happened. All the goats were lined up to go under the fence, just like always, so they were all touching, and when the first went to go under, she was shocked and the one behind her was shocked, and the whole line got shocked! My dad was grinning ear to ear, happy as a bear with honey.
We eventually got to be really good with goats. We learned that they prefer to have babies in the middle of the night during snowfall. And guess what else? Goats won’t eat anything! After watching all that TV, you’d figure they would, but trust me, they don’t. They are picky when it comes to their food. Sure, a baby might eat you clothing or your hair (I’m going to save the hair story for a different time, but you will enjoy it) but they won’t eat cans or even naw on buckets like dogs do!
We learned that you should never, ever as long as you live chase a goat and expect to get anywhere (unless you have fainting goats, yes there is such a thing!) If you want to catch a goat, you’ll need to walk up very slowly and talk to it. I know it may sound silly but it is the only thing that’ll work. If the goat don’t know you, when you get a couple feet away, kneeling and holding out your hand helps. No, it will not come to you to lick your hand. It probably won’t even look at you. Goats don’t act like dog in most cases (but we did have two that did, but I’ll tell you about that a different time). But if you do this you can usually carefully move over to it and pet it (or hook on its rope, which is usually the case).
I hope you all enjoyed!
Mandy
Friday, February 17, 2012
"Be still, and know that I am God."
Rowing out to sea,
Can't see far ahead,
Afraid to lose my bearings,
Can't remember what the map said.
Waves come up to swallow me,
My boat rocks to and fro,
Crying, I crouch in the bottom,
Trying to stay very low.
I don't want to look up,
The rain beats down on me,
No one is near to help,
There is no where to flee.
Then a light breaks through the clouds,
And I hear a voice calling,
'When ever have I failed to catch you,
As downwards you were falling?'
A single word I could not hear,
Calms the stormy waves,
Someone lifts me from the boat,
And me He gently saves.
Embarrassed I remember,
That He had said,
'Stay right beside me,
And I'll keep you safe and fed.'
Gently He hugs me,
Saying it's alright,
He still loves me even now,
And I'm back in His light.
Often, we forget to follow the map and listen to the guide. Life is a trip leading to a city and Jesus is our guide. When we look to change things, we are at a turning. And when God closes that door to that change, He is saying, "In order to get to the right place at the right time, you need to stay to the straight path a while longer."
There are also times when we want to stay to the straight path when we need to turn. When we don't listen to His gentle probing, sometimes he has to shoe in the right direction. Sometimes He has to send stormy seas in order to make us remember to listen.
And then there are times when He says, "Be still."
"Be still, and know that I am God," Psalms 46:10a. In life, we rush and we need to be reminded to slow down and remember what God did. He lived. He died. He rose again. Be still, and know that He is God. I challenge you to stop moving, stop thinking about everything else for a moment, stop trying to cope with the turmoil and simply be still. He is bigger than all our problems and if we slow down, take a deep breath and listen, we can hear His love.
When we are hurting, it is hard to remember to stay on the path. Or sometimes, we just freeze and don't go anywhere. We hide. We don't remember that God can heal. We ask, "Where are you, God? Don't you see I'm hurting?" But God has said, "I am the Lord that healeth thee," Exodus 15:26b. He made this promise to the Isrealites but He makes it to us too. He loves us, and if we let Him, He will heal us.
Mandy
Can't see far ahead,
Afraid to lose my bearings,
Can't remember what the map said.
Waves come up to swallow me,
My boat rocks to and fro,
Crying, I crouch in the bottom,
Trying to stay very low.
I don't want to look up,
The rain beats down on me,
No one is near to help,
There is no where to flee.
Then a light breaks through the clouds,
And I hear a voice calling,
'When ever have I failed to catch you,
As downwards you were falling?'
A single word I could not hear,
Calms the stormy waves,
Someone lifts me from the boat,
And me He gently saves.
Embarrassed I remember,
That He had said,
'Stay right beside me,
And I'll keep you safe and fed.'
Gently He hugs me,
Saying it's alright,
He still loves me even now,
And I'm back in His light.
Often, we forget to follow the map and listen to the guide. Life is a trip leading to a city and Jesus is our guide. When we look to change things, we are at a turning. And when God closes that door to that change, He is saying, "In order to get to the right place at the right time, you need to stay to the straight path a while longer."
There are also times when we want to stay to the straight path when we need to turn. When we don't listen to His gentle probing, sometimes he has to shoe in the right direction. Sometimes He has to send stormy seas in order to make us remember to listen.
And then there are times when He says, "Be still."
"Be still, and know that I am God," Psalms 46:10a. In life, we rush and we need to be reminded to slow down and remember what God did. He lived. He died. He rose again. Be still, and know that He is God. I challenge you to stop moving, stop thinking about everything else for a moment, stop trying to cope with the turmoil and simply be still. He is bigger than all our problems and if we slow down, take a deep breath and listen, we can hear His love.
When we are hurting, it is hard to remember to stay on the path. Or sometimes, we just freeze and don't go anywhere. We hide. We don't remember that God can heal. We ask, "Where are you, God? Don't you see I'm hurting?" But God has said, "I am the Lord that healeth thee," Exodus 15:26b. He made this promise to the Isrealites but He makes it to us too. He loves us, and if we let Him, He will heal us.
Mandy
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Things That Happened In General
Lots has happened and lots hasn't happened. So I guess you could say that life has gone on! (Which it has.) I've started a new book (this is the eighth). Out of those eight, five are done (I think). This one isn't in my series The Chronicles of Christorn but has to do with getting lost in books (opps). I came up with this idea when I wrote an artical type thing on authors getting 'lost' in our work. The ending of this artical went like this: "We get lost in our worlds and if you want to find us you'll just have to come in, too. But I warn you, if you come in, it is very likely that you'll get lost as well.
I've already lost my two older sisters. They came in to stop me from drowning and have yet to step back out. I'm very glad they're here for I not only almost drowned once or twice (or thrice) more but I also jumped off a cliff, ran head long into a couple enemy camps and accidently lost a war. (No, seriously, it was an accident.) So if you ever feel like getting lost with us, you're quite welcome to."
So, of course, this artical made me think of a whole new book to get lost in!
I have also sent the first book in The Chronicles of Christorn to the publisher. They have not yet replied back but I trust God. If this is His time, it will happen. And if it doesn't? Well, then it obviously wasn't His time yet, now was it? I've figured something out. God's path is the path we're happiest on! Why did this realization take so long?
I haven't made any more hair dryer thawed stuff but we did use hair dryers to warm Mom up once (she was VERY cold). Today I made a 'list of things we forgot to put on the list', which just sounds cool!
Other than all that, life has simply gone on. (In other words everything else isn't worth mentioning at the moment. :) )
Yours Truly,
Mandy
I've already lost my two older sisters. They came in to stop me from drowning and have yet to step back out. I'm very glad they're here for I not only almost drowned once or twice (or thrice) more but I also jumped off a cliff, ran head long into a couple enemy camps and accidently lost a war. (No, seriously, it was an accident.) So if you ever feel like getting lost with us, you're quite welcome to."
So, of course, this artical made me think of a whole new book to get lost in!
I have also sent the first book in The Chronicles of Christorn to the publisher. They have not yet replied back but I trust God. If this is His time, it will happen. And if it doesn't? Well, then it obviously wasn't His time yet, now was it? I've figured something out. God's path is the path we're happiest on! Why did this realization take so long?
I haven't made any more hair dryer thawed stuff but we did use hair dryers to warm Mom up once (she was VERY cold). Today I made a 'list of things we forgot to put on the list', which just sounds cool!
Other than all that, life has simply gone on. (In other words everything else isn't worth mentioning at the moment. :) )
Yours Truly,
Mandy
Saturday, January 21, 2012
I Need Him
I’ve found that I need God every day for very reason. I need Him when I’m scared, when I sit down to eat and wonder if it will make my stomach upset again. I need Him when I lie down in my bed and wonder if I’ll wake up in the night alone, when feeling bad and not wanting to wake anyone up but wanting someone with me. I find I need Him when I’m sitting in the living room and see an actor I like and know they are probably on their way to hell. I need Him when I write. I need Him when I stare at the paper and wonder how I can possibly make a drawing pop forth. I need Him when I read. I need Him when I do my school. I need Him when I knit or crochet. I need Him when I slip on the ice. I need Him when I’m just feeling overwhelmed. I need His comfort. I need His love. I need to know I’m forgiven. I need to remember His presence. I just need Him.
I guess that is why it is so hard for me to understand why people would fall away from Him. Because I need Him every moment and if there was a single minute a day that I had to go on radio silence with Him I don’t think I could. Every single day a million and two things happen to me and for all of them I need Him. I want Him. I want to be with Him. I want to feel the comfort His presence brings. I guess the more we need Him, the closer we are to Him. We just have to remember because so often we forget and then we fall away. And if we fall away…we find ourselves drowning.
To find myself alone,
I can’t remember that I’ve flown,
I feel my wings give way,
And I fall from the light of day.
As the darkness sinks in,
I remember there is more than sin,
But I can’t remember how,
To find your throne or bow.
And then I see Your light,
As You reach through the dark,
As if You don’t remember,
How I failed to stay on mark.
I know then that You love me,
That You always, always will,
That no matter what You’ll be here,
Just like I know you climbed the hill.
You put your arms around me,
Tell me its okay,
I know that I’m forgiven,
And I need You every day.
So when I start to sink,
I’ll remember to look up,
For You’ll be standing there,
In perfect, wonderful love.
Don’t sink, remember Him always.
Mandy
I guess that is why it is so hard for me to understand why people would fall away from Him. Because I need Him every moment and if there was a single minute a day that I had to go on radio silence with Him I don’t think I could. Every single day a million and two things happen to me and for all of them I need Him. I want Him. I want to be with Him. I want to feel the comfort His presence brings. I guess the more we need Him, the closer we are to Him. We just have to remember because so often we forget and then we fall away. And if we fall away…we find ourselves drowning.
To find myself alone,
I can’t remember that I’ve flown,
I feel my wings give way,
And I fall from the light of day.
As the darkness sinks in,
I remember there is more than sin,
But I can’t remember how,
To find your throne or bow.
And then I see Your light,
As You reach through the dark,
As if You don’t remember,
How I failed to stay on mark.
I know then that You love me,
That You always, always will,
That no matter what You’ll be here,
Just like I know you climbed the hill.
You put your arms around me,
Tell me its okay,
I know that I’m forgiven,
And I need You every day.
So when I start to sink,
I’ll remember to look up,
For You’ll be standing there,
In perfect, wonderful love.
Don’t sink, remember Him always.
Mandy
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
When Was Last?
When was last you stood in awe?
When was last the mountians you saw?
When was last God's power you felt?
When was last in prayer you knelt?
When was last you felt so small?
When was last you heard the ocean lull?
When was last you knew, you knew,
Jesus died, He died for you?
When was last you understood?
When was last something amazing you did?
When was last you put yourself at the end?
When was last you had a smile to lend?
When was last you attempted to mend,
A broken heart, some laughter to send?
Mandy
When was last the mountians you saw?
When was last God's power you felt?
When was last in prayer you knelt?
When was last you felt so small?
When was last you heard the ocean lull?
When was last you knew, you knew,
Jesus died, He died for you?
When was last you understood?
When was last something amazing you did?
When was last you put yourself at the end?
When was last you had a smile to lend?
When was last you attempted to mend,
A broken heart, some laughter to send?
Mandy
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Spring?
You'll never believe this but it is seventy degrees here!!! South Dakota on January fifth is seventy degrees! Where did winter go? We walked to the post office and were sloshing through mud and wearing no coats!!! It is apsolutely gorgeous. My only objection to this weather will be if I have to start mowing in March! :o)
But, then again, tomorrow it could be blizzarding. Did you know that South Dakota won the most changable weather? Once it was eighty degrees and dropped to in the teens within a couple hours! And then it came back up to eighty again! So, who knows? If you've ever wondered why we carry snow suits in our cars on seventy degree days, now you know!
God bless you all!
Mandy
But, then again, tomorrow it could be blizzarding. Did you know that South Dakota won the most changable weather? Once it was eighty degrees and dropped to in the teens within a couple hours! And then it came back up to eighty again! So, who knows? If you've ever wondered why we carry snow suits in our cars on seventy degree days, now you know!
God bless you all!
Mandy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)