Sometimes I Wish...

I am forever grateful to be home schooled but there are times when I want more than anything to be public schooled. For more friends? No. I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for.

It’s those times when I think about all those kids longing to fit in and I want to show them that being themselves is fine. It happens when I think about all the kids who need a friend, someone willing to stand up for them even if they don’t look as good as everyone else. And when I think about all the kids who need God’s love and how few are showing the way.

That’s when I want more than anything to be that person. To be the square in all those circles even if I wasn’t liked or accepted.

Some days my heart screams to be able to help. I want it so bad but I’m home schooled. On those days I’m saying, “God, I’m here! Let me help.” And He is saying, “This is not what I want for you. Wait for my plan. I have others for that.”

And then I see me, as myself, getting on a bus, riding two hours to school, going to class, eating a home made lunch since there would be nothing for me to eat, and coming home. And it seems so absurd I want to laugh because I realize why God left me home to be schooled.

Then I’m saying, “Lord, whatever you want! I’m waiting, Lord. Show me what to do and when.”

But on those days, I still wish I could help more.