Thermometers

Ever seen one of those movies where the detective finds a clue that no one else would have ever seen? Like the five containers of salt. Who had five containers of salt, they ask and it solves everything. Well, I’ll tell you who has five containers of salt on their shelf, us. Salt goes on sale, we buy enough for the year. It’s brilliant!

What was I going to say? Don’t worry, it will come to me.… Nope, not coming. Alright, new subject!

How many thermometers do you have in your house and yard? One? Two? We have a total of seven. I’m not lying. Honest! Not one of these can agree. It’s 60 out on one, 50 on another. A third says it’s 80 but it’s in the sun so it no longer counts. On the fourth it’s different every time you look. How do we know what the temperature is? We don’t. We just pick whichever suits us at that moment in time.

“Mom, it’s 80 out can we play in the sprinkler?”

“We can’t pick dandelions for syrup, it’s only fifty.” (Yes, we make dandelion syrup. It tastes like honey but is much runnier, It’s really sweet and great on apples.)

“We can wear shorts, it’s 60 out.” Blah, blah, blah… It’s great!

Why is it we have seven thermometers? Because we do and that’s the best answer you’ll get because we honestly don’t know.

This winter we had problems heating the house. Were we low on wood? No. Did we forget to stoke the fire? Okay, sometimes but that’s not the main reason. "Why then?" you demand. I’m getting there. Patience.

We are all experts at jumping up from our seats. Half way through a TV show Mom goes, “Windows!” We jump up and throw them open. Rain or shine, zero below or sixty above, they get opened. Is this a strange game? No. "What is it then?" you yell. I’m not telling you. So be patient.

Everyone moves away from the windows. Well, everyone but me. I remain rooted to “my spot” (which is right in front of a window). Is this punishment? Did I do something wrong? No, don’t be ridiculous! I’m just stubborn and love my special corner seat.

So, why do the thermometers get a shock and we have problems heating the house? Why do we do this strange procedure? Because Mom gets hot flashes. Hot flashes? You ask. Yes. She randomly starts burning and we throw wide the windows. It drops to fifty, we shut them, Mom is perfect, we’re all freezing. Perfectly normal.



P.S. Mom says I forgot two.